Tonight, I am really sad. I have, in part, chosen to sit in front of the box watching reality television while eating an entire pizza all by myself. Some days [today] I feel unstable. I wonder if I have emotional problems when I only made it three days without crying again. Betsy tells me I’m normal and crying is good. I feel like crying is weak and I must be someone who can‘t handle life.
I woke up overwhelmed. There is money and there is school and there are relationships and more money. While I worry about these things, there are bigger things happening around me. I am reminded of a line from a movie I once watched on a whim. A character [I have no idea who] said this:
“Life is really very simple. It just seems overwhelming when you think only of yourself. If you forget yourself and ask how to help others, life becomes perfectly simple”
- Jesus of Montreal
That makes so much sense to me and I believe in it so much but I forget it every day. I try so hard to focus all of my thoughts and prayers on the people around me and I still end up feeling boo bla. I am starting to wonder if I might benefit from focusing more on me and what I need. What I mean is, maybe I should practice encouraging, believing in and lifting up myself.
But who knows. I do know that there are so many more important things going on in this world right now. LIKE, Keith was just kicked off Project Runway and how on earth will Duff deliver his cakes on time? The Stanley Cup [cake] is so heavy!!!1...
Sorry for rambling. Goodnight.